Relationships

I am the queen of WRONG relationships. Somewhere along the way through life I was busy and not paying attention when important lessons were being taught. In elementary school, I learned to chase boys. This was a lot of fun but very tiresome. When I did catch them I wasn't really sure what to do with them and generally just turned them loose or punched them. Maybe this is the lesson that should have STUCK?

In Jr. High I learned to be lazy. I learned the fine art of making the boys chase me. This process seemed far less exhausting and it really was good for the ego. However, I continued with the same question...What do I do with them now? So I punched them.

In High school I learned that there is a fine line between the right amount of chase and surrender. I also discovered that there was a bit of fun to be had in the surrender. And it was the FUN that led to the start of my troubles. That led to marriage. :(

Now I can't say that I didn't enjoy some aspects of being married. Every payday he did hand over the check but he would turn around and get a huge portion for his alcohol consumption. So over time the novelty wore off and I gave up on marriage. Hope to never commit myself to that institution again. Seriously, my next institution will come with people who cater to my needs and medication. Insanity does have it's perks.

I can't say that I don't enjoy the company of men from time to time. Sometimes they are tolerable and lets face it: although I can pleasure myself with far better efficiency than any man I've encountered, it gets lonely being intimate alone. Occasionally, I have even found the man who made it worth having to clean up the mess afterwards. HA!

Given my experiences with the male persuasion and my desire for company while being intimate, I've pondered a great number of ways to achieve a balance. It took a lot of planning and a lot of frogs but in the end I decided that my best bet was to become lesbian; but how does one go about becoming lesbian if they weren't already genetically predisposed to it? It's not like I could walk into BAM and buy a book; Lesbianism for Dummies.

In the end I've decided that once I obtain the degrees I'm currently pursuing in psychology and criminal justice, I will enroll in courses to learn how to become a lesbian. I have watched a lot of movies that show girls in dorms having their first experiences. I'm thinking that's the educational level that I skipped out on. They do not advertise that you're missing life lessons by taking online courses, that's for sure or I might have given this more thought.

In the meantime, I think I'm gonna resort to lessons learned in elementary school....just punch them!